Jamie Howard (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
redeyedmask) wrote2012-11-05 09:34 pm
redeyedmask) wrote2012-11-05 09:34 pm
APPLICATION
Player info:
Name: Noka
Pronoun: He!
E-Mail: noka.roleplay@gmail.com
Other Contact:
PLURK:![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
rinonoka
AIM: supnamesnoka
Character Basics
Name: Jamie Howard
City: Fall City
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Biological Sex: Male
Birthdate: November 26, 2023
Birthplace: Tempe, Arizona
PB: Mike Bailey (albino pbs are hard ok)
Appearance
Natural Hair/Eye Color: White/Red
Height: 5'6"
Body Type: Lean, skinny, dude. Doesn't eat often and is pretty emaciated because of it. Hasn't really exercised a day in his life.
Noticeable Scars/Tattoos/Piercings and Location:
Piercings: Silver earring in his right earlobe. His left ear is not pierced.
Scars: When nude, he has what appears to be deep, slightly disfiguring knife wound scars on his chest. Typically, his shirt won't come off because of this - not because he's self conscious about his body, but rather because he's well aware it's vaguely disturbing. He'd rather not freak people out.
Clothing Style: Very covering clothing, though he doesn't take it to the extremes his character does. Think beanies + hoodies + baggy jeans. Whenever at home, the outer layers come off - typically, only his hoodie. He also wears glasses.
Background
Summary:
Jamie was born to his family in Arizona with little fanfare on November 26th, 2023. His status as albino was surprising - it actally took a bit of genetic reeducation from the doctor for them to realize exactly why their son looked like a labrat - but they did what they could to facilitate him. In his early years, they gave him love, and he gave love back - however, quietly, his father and mother were disappointed. Jamie, as a child, couldn't do the sports his father loved. He was supposed to perpetually remain covered with clothing, and wearing a ton of extra crap wouldn't have worked well in the practical desert of Arizona. Worse yet was the fact that Jamie was heavily impacted by his albinism - due to a form of astigmatism and blood-vessel bloating in his eyes, he was almost blind without his glasses, working somewhere between 20/200 and 20/400 vision without them. (The reason I bring this up here is the simple fact that he wears glasses that effectively make him able to see. Without them, everything to him is a blur - effectively, if you take away his glasses? He becomes Velma.) This wasn't so much of a problem as a nuisance to his family, at first - it cost quite a lot to get the corrective lenses he needed, and he effectively crushes his father's hopes for a sporty sort of child. They do, however, perservere! They take what they can get - Jamie - and do what they can in his life. And that works! Right up until kindergarten.
In Arizona, a kid who has to be constantly covered - even in the hot summer months - just sort of seemed to invite people to pick on him. In comparison to t-shirts and shorts, he looked strange - he wore clothing that covered him completely, after all. As such, he was an easy target, even failing to consider his albinism, and by the time it was found out he ended up teased about it, as well. Of course, he reported all of this to his parents - but there wasn't anything to be done. Bullies, even when told to stop and punished when they didn't, even so had new fodder: tattletale. It was easy to wreck Jamie's self-esteem, and he had no way of defending himself. In fact, while he still disliked being reminded, he internalized that abuse - in simple terms, he began seeing himself in that negatively critical light the bullies did.
Even while this was happening, he was getting pushed from home, as well. His parents, unsatisfied with what they'd got, began to try and get him to be academic. With poor eyesight and a dreary school life, it wasn't really any wonder Jamie didn't pull the best grades. He excelled in places he wasn't forced to form a group - engineering courses, computer science courses, and even in some cases math. His biggest specialty, ironically, was English: Being able to absorb himself in the telling of a story instead of his life was something he grew to love. He got teased for this, of course, as well, and quickly internalized reading at home instead of in the open. He understood, at the end of the day, that bullies would take whatever they could get: however, he also recognized that a lot of what they were saying was true. However, his parents' academic push and constant bothering to be better nagged at him: as such, they only helped develop his negative view of himself.
In other words, Jamie's perspective of himself was ruined by everyone he knew during that period. He never grew close to his teachers, and grew attached to books and the internet instead of a social life and school. However, this fostered quite a bit of imagination in him - being able to think and imagine through his context - books and a simple source of stories and ideas - although he never quite knew how to express it, until he found the wonderful world of MMOs. Through them and his experiences in them was how he learned about Fall City, and a quick look at it confirmed it was somewhere he'd like to be. People were 'weird in their own way' there - unlike Arizona - and the cold months sounded like a dream come true. That was why, the second he got the cash and the chance, he left without telling his parents. What only helped his decision was an assault by high-school bullies months prior - the source of the knife scars he still holds today - pushing him to leave. It was the first time he'd been bodily attacked, and he was not only scared by it but somewhat shellshocked by the fact they were so willing to do it. He wanted nothing to do with his parents or his bullies, and only his sibling really knew where he'd gone in the first place - he'd sworn them to secrecy, and so far he hasn't ended up with any parents (or bullies, who probably didn't care enough to follow him anyway) knock-knock-knocking at his door. He's fairly sure that he's safe.
Jamie's experiences in Fall City have been nice, if not a little maddeningly open. He's used to being closed off, quiet, and he's still something of an outcast - he can't strip at all in the summer months, and other people being fine enough to take their shirts off? He's not sure how to respond. He currently lives in a small apartment that he keeps actually sparkling clean and organized (obsessively), works at a small electronics/repair shop as the repairman, and casually visits a cafe with closed booths nearby for his lunch break. While he tries, he doesn't know very many people, and really anyone who interacts with him isn't so much his choice as theirs. He's never pushed his friendship on someone, or even initiated a conversation with someone he didn't know in the interest of just talking. Whenever he's addressed someone, it's been because he's playing cashier, he's buying something from a cashier, or he needs to talk about repairs. As such, he has very few friends, and he's very used to being alone. In any case, Jamie's life has really been a plethora of issues, for him. Anyone want to help him get over it?
Albinism Effects:
Don't count this in his background summary, if you would, but. This paragraph's included because Jamie's medical issues would probably bloat his Summary with unnecessary facts, otherwise, right in the middle. First of all, Jamie's type of albinism means he has no pigment, engorged blood vessels in his eyes, and a variation of astigmatism because of this fact. This means he's white-haired, extremely pale, and has red eyes. The biggest problem is his lack of pigment: he literally cannot be in the sun for long, because he has no UV protection. He wears covering clothes, gloves, and hoodies to cover his body, and applies strong sunscreen when he goes out without a verifiable way of keeping his body shaded. Given, the period it takes for him to become overexposed is a few hours (probably the span of time it takes for a person with normal pigment to tan), and as such he isn't altogether as worried about his face as he should. Still, his skin is sensitive to sunlight, and it's not uncommon to see him walking with his head down or his hood pulled far enough that he won't have much if any light hit him. On the note of astigmatism and engorged blood vessels, Jamie survives with perscription glasses. Seeing as his visual acuity is 20/200 to 20/400, his glasses are an extremely strong perscription - he cannot see without them. With his glasses, he does actually have 20/20 vision, however. (In other words, as his bullies have learned: Need to cripple a poor albino? Steal his glasses.) Some side-effects are that he's never been strong at athletics, etcetera. If it requires being out in the sun or seeing properly, he's not very good at it.
Tell me two important memories.
Jamie's first day at school was the worst day of his life. The young 5 year old came home bawling, tears running down his bitty cheeks - his mother and father listened to his story of how people made fun of what he was wearing, with how it was so hot, and when they saw his face - stark white hair, red eyes, they made even more fun - demonizing his appearance all the while. Before the end of the day, he was without anyone who he could really interact with. His parents tried to solve it, but the damage was done: Jamie couldn't help but feel the division between him and his classmates. Even after they were (forced to) apologize, it wasn't as though they felt guilty. And so Jamie was subjected to the sort of torment children think up - stealing things, teasing, bothering. Bullying.
In the end, Jamie had never quite decided if he hated school, American school, or just people. That feeling of not being wanted, of even being resented and disliked for existing... it was hard to shake.
Even if he wasn't sure what he decided to hate?
At the end, Jamie just wanted out.
----------------------
Jamie wasn't quite sure what made him leave, in the end. Standing in the airport, meager belongings all with him, ticket at the ready. The glowing reviews of the city on the internet, the claim that 'everyone there was their own kind of weird'. He'd never been quite as sure he wanted to see it as now - he, after all, was weird. Dressed in a hoodie, jeans, and a scarf around his face and cheeks before it even really got cold? He confirmed who he was - got a patdown due to 'suspicious wear' - and was quickly on his way out of the state that had hurt him.
What had prompted it? He couldn't be sure. His parents' trying to force him had finally hit the brink of his patience? His bullies assaulting him and causing those deep wounds on his chest - a miracle he hadn't died, apparently, although he'd been sick for almost a month due to his stunted immune system - though his assailants weren't able to be properly found guilty?
He wasn't sure it was any of those things. Jamie just wanted to be free of their voices. Insulting him, belittling him, downright causing him pain - he wanted out.
So he left, with little fanfare and without informing his family, for Fall City.
Family members:
DAD:
Name: Thomas Howard
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Summary: He loved his son, but really he pushed him to succeed a bit too hard. A big lover of sports, hated that Jamie could never actually participate. Didn't try and stop him moving, but caught wind of it. Tried to get Jamie to try sports with him, but Jamie's stunted eyesight and inability to be in the sun for long ended up being too much of a hassle to ever overcome.
MOM:
Name: Angie Howard
Gender: Female
Age: 43
Summary: Loved her son a lot, but was rather controlling and really attempted to drive his life for him. Threw a fit when he moved, but ultimately didn't really succeed in dragging him back to Arizona - he never gave her a solid address. Big on cooking, and taught Jamie almost all he knows about that and other housework-type tasks.
SIBLING OF THE MYSTERIOUS VARIETY:
He does have a sibling, and if they've followed him to Fall City, he's entirely unaware of it. If you'd like to play them, contact me - I don't think they'd be albino like Jamie, but whatever you want is fine here. Jamie's probably the older brother in the relationship. Bonus points if you give them a personality Jamie has trouble handling. (I'm assuming the sibling is still back in Arizona, just because Jamie is. The sibling's included because a. his parents might have given chase otherwise, and b. he might need a person willing to try and wriggle into his life and drag him from his shell.)
Pets:
N/A
Character Details
Favorite Food?
Jamie really enjoys asian dishes - his favorite is typically fried rice saturated with soy sauce. He enjoys really sharp, kicking tastes - and so he really dislikes subdued tastes, like certain breads, salads, and soups, without proper sauces or dressings. His absolute least favorite food is pizza - even with pepperoni or some other taste that gives it the kick he likes, it just tastes bland to him.
Favorite Color?
Jamie favors the monochromatic spectrum with a passion, although sometimes he breaks his monochromatic colorscheme with a preference for the warm spectrum. In other words? He likes everything that doesn't have color, and while he can like warm colors - red, orange, yellow - he somewhat dislikes other colors. His least favorite is green.
Favorite Season?
He really prefers winter to all the other seasons. His hoodie he wears even during the summer months won't make him overheat: instead, it keeps him warm. He likes the cold, too, although with his vitality he's more likely to catch a cold in it then anything. (This, of course, can also be used to get a scarf and wrap it around his face without looking silly.)
Favorite Animal?
Jamie couldn't name his favorite animal if he tried. It's not that he loves them all, but he just has very little experience with any animals, period - if he were to have to pick, he'd most likely pick an albino lizard, which is basically his spirit animal anyway. He could most easily associate with a lizard, and just finds it most easy to like things like him. (Thus, albino.) He'd probably like normal lizards, too, of course. It's just he'd like albino ones the most? His least favorite are dogs, both because he doesn't get them and just doesn't like how sloppy they seem.
Do they like television?
There's a heavy preference towards the computer, if anything: most of Jamie's forms of learning or watching shows are done through the computer. If anything, he's most interested in practical knowledge shows - cooking shows, survival shows. He has an old childhood love of certain cartoons, but it's very hard to find any of the specific ones he nostalgically favors. He extremely dislikes this generation's form of entertainment shows. Extremely. While he's not about to rant, it's very easy to lose points with him by mentioning them favorably. (Simple terms: no, but if he had to, he'd watch nostalgic cartoons or shows where you learn. If he were forced to watch this generation's Disney Channel expy, he'd die.)
What's their favorite style of music?
Jamie likes music with form, order, and structure - as such, he'll pretty much enjoy anything with a good composer. He loves classical the most, as could probably be guessed, and favors things that use the same sort of style classical does - broadway, for example. He likes the major musical taste in jazz electronic, and can respect it and does in fact listen to some artists of it. His most hated style is rap, if only because of how it deviates from order and structure. After all, to him, the only real rule of rhyme is 'rhyme and make it sound good'. In reality, he mostly disapproves of the content of raps. Were he shown a good rapper (which is something he really hasn't heard), he'd probably at least give rap a chance.It'd still be his most hated, though.
Have they considered being the gender/sexuality they're not?
In all honesty, Jamie's biggest thing is that he doesn't really understand why it matters. He feels like he's a dude, and so he hasn't really even considered he might be a lady - beyond that, he understands the prejudice and given that he's already strange he's not about to try and be stranger. In terms of sexuality, however, Jamie is a bit too flexible to be 'sexuality they're not' - he's very much a 'like whomever I like' sort of guy, and so he's willing to romance whomever if he's attracted to them. That sort of feeling, for him, is few and far between, however. As bonus points, it really takes a bit to work yourself into his heart; he refuses to let himself like people until he trusts them.
Would you say they're "picky"?
Sort of kind of? He's generally somewhat picky, but if it'll get in the way or otherwise be a hassle to others - something he'd like to avoid being - he'll generally just take what he can get. He's very picky about certain foods, less so about forms of entertainment. Even less so about who he hangs out with - although there's clauses to that, as there is in most social interaction with him. In other words - he's a lot more loose about people then things.
Do they alphabetize/color-coordinate their things? If so, which things?
50 SHADES OF GREY
No, I am not bullshitting you. He uses shades of grey to mark things' importance, and the shape of the mark to tell what it is. This means a lot of his stuff is marked in varying shades of grey and black - white is, of course, done with white-out. The shapes vary, but typically they're the written language of Zenderael - letters, words, or otherwise. Most of this is done directly on the item in permanent marker, but if he borrowed it they'll probably get it back with a sticky note that has the word for 'borrowed', completely black.
White is least important, black is most important.It's funny, because he's an albino.
In terms of which things, mostly books and binders and other things over Zenderael, engineering, and other interests - things he's good at. Generally, all of his book/binder things are organized this way: he'll sometimes wrap paper tags around things too small to see a marking on otherwise. (Rings, his matching earring. Etc.)
(He mostly started doing this as a history joke. It turned into a legitimate organizational style. He's not sure how this happened.)
Internet Presence: Jamie exists as 'Red Eyed Mask' online, which is a distinct allusion to his albinism. He's used to people assuming he's a teenage boy because of his name preference - given that red eyes are a traditional 'teenage' thing. However: but he's yet to change away from it. He's very much attached. He's able to be found on most Zenderael sites, and owns a website (worldplusplayers.net) himself that's based around Zenderael. It's not very popular, but he tends to invite friends to it to discuss things on the forums there. It has several other MMOs, not counting Zenderael, included in its listing, but nowadays it stands to reason only Zenderael is relevant. The forums there do include an RP forum.
As a general presence, if you exist on a Zenderael or MMO site you've probably at least seen a single post by him. He's dedicated, at least.
Programs/Services and Screennames:
AIM: Red Eyed Mask
EMAIL: redeyedmask@worldplusplayers.net
Play Style:
In spite of Jamie's name, he owns neither Berserkers nor Assassins - red eyes and masks, however, do come into play with his character. Jamie plays a combat-proficient Alchemist with a habit of supporting people who party with him. He isn't heavily oriented one way or another - however, he's something of a glass cannon. Most of his abilities are towards support and combat, and most of the time he has just enough HP to survive one attack, move back, and heal before attacking again. His alchemist uses long range weapons - guns, if I'm right that the setting has them. He has an alt or two, but Alchemist would have to be his main.
To RP or not to RP?:
Yes. Yes yes yes yes. Given, he roleplays as a facet of himself. But yes.
Personality
General Overview: Jamie isn't entirely comfortable with who he is, and it's not very hard to tell. His family wasn't sure how to react to an albino kid - it was sheer poor luck that he ended up the way he did. Trying to contend with his parents' expectations was extremely hard for him - he was incredibly sensitive to light and got sick easily. Given, this isn't a background summary, but the issue was that Jamie never really got someone who wholly believed in him. His parents expected things out of him he couldn't achieve, and he felt guilty for letting them down. Given, people picking on him for being visually different - children will be children - was something he experienced a lot in America. Jamie never really felt secure in his own skin there, and he made the jump out the second he could and never looked back. His childhood generated a lot of problems for Jamie - most importantly, Jamie suffers from self-worth, self-esteem, and self-awareness issues. At his core, Jamie is a good person - imaginative, smart, and altogether someone with a strong moral compass. However, he sometimes can't tell right from wrong in social scenarios - a lack of being able to interact with people in a casual setting without expectations or teasing has really stunted his ability to communicate what he wants.
First of all, let's look at Jamie's complexes. Jamie has four major problems: self-worth, an inability to express himself, self-awareness, and his perfectionism. His childhood killed his self-worth and he's never quite recovered: in fact, it's his self-awareness that means he can't build himself back up. In his head, he berates himself for his failures and can't handle his own bad qualities. He strives to be a better person, and whenever he fails he only doubles back and beats himself up over it - it's what he's used to and what he's been trained to do by the people he talked to in his formative years. He's very much a perfectionist because of this - it's hard for him to fail or not succeed, because when he does he only feels like more of a failure for it. As such, he never did competitions - he never found competing with other people fun - and found himself favoring the internet, where he could just dismiss words as words. (Given, he still beats himself up whenever he fucks up on the internet: it's just that he feels the need to beat himself up less because he can disassociate the words he sees from human beings.) This doesn't mean that he's a stuttering, insecure guy: he has multiple walls up to shield this part of himself from other people trying to hurt him. The damage is still done, of course - he does it all on his own - but it's very hard to see this part of him unless you can summarily break down his walls. The only outward evidence is that he apologizes extremely quickly if someone even implies his actions hurt them, and in reality he's perfectly cool with smacking himself in the head when he's apologizing. It's hard enough to hurt, too. His inability to express himself, which is worth a mention, acts as one of his walls to other people - he second-guesses himself a lot and has a hard time understanding what other people want.
What Jamie wants the absolute most is a ~100% understanding~ friend in real life, but he's quite a bit of a shut in - he's yet to meet anyone from the game OOG, and he's scared to try. His most major complex is that he is completely without worth - as such, he shouldn't have friends, and the idea is one he's accepted with reluctance. If anyone tries to prove him wrong and be his friend and actually manages to get through his walls and under his skin, he'll most likely end up confused. His major question would really be 'Why do you care', because he isn't sure why anyone would or should. He's just a dude. He's not even remotely interesting - he's just a dude with no pigment who gets no benefits out of it. He can't be out in the sun, do sports, enjoy himself without lathering himself with enough sunscreen to theoretically block all of the UV rays from the sun for several normal people. Given, he's not sporty to begin with. But... he's just very much someone who understands how little of a person he is, and how useless he can be.If he ended up in Zenderael, he'd be the absolutely most easily targetted player of the bunch. Period.
If you're kind to him and manage to push past the confusion, Jamie's real personality - one that shines through the shield he puts up now and again - is that he's book-smart, maybe a bit witty, extremely loyal, pretty opinionated, and incredibly self-destructive. He values his friends as an absolute - given that he holds himself at the bottom rung, he holds them as better than him. This is part of his self-awareness and self-worth complex, but what it really means is that he's extremely someone who would let himself get hurt for people he trusts. He holds his life under the lives of others to such a degree that he'd be willing to save any one person he likes - however, this is only extended towards friends. He would most likely blame himself if someone was killed in front of him and he could do something, regardless of friendship, but his major malfunction is that he is legitimately afraid people he helps would attack him or hate him in the end. Given, he probably won't be able to help people in most situations - he's a lean, reclusive albino who doesn't often just walk around outside. His ability to help is really limited.
Jamie also has problems understanding other people - if it really wasn't obvious - and is not a very good judge of character. Even when people prove themselves to be nonjudgemental, he's still reserved about his appearance. And whenever people prove themselves to be judgemental, Jamie won't actively avoid them unless someone else suggests he does - he sort of accepts judgement as a constant in his life. On the flipside, he's extremely imaginative - he's very good at thinking outside the box and thinking up scenarios. ... Something else I'd like to note is that most of Jamie's flaws are things he's aware of and dislikes to an extreme. However, it's not something easy people can easily see: as mentioned earlier, he throws up multiple walls to try and protect himself from relationships - in general, all of his internet friends are really the only exception. He can't easily throw up walls in comparison to OOG - it's more challenging for him to deflect things in a world of all text in comparison to a world where he can use body language and expression, too.
In person, to people he hasn't met, he tends to hesitate and generally tends to follow along instead of speak his mind. He won't disobey his moral compass because of what people tell him to do, however, and in general he'll recluse if people try and get him to do or think something he disagrees with. If he's pressured into speaking about what exactly he feels isn't right, he's actually fairly likely to apologize beforehand: even if it's not so much pitiful as it is stern in the sense of "I really don't want to do this gtfo". Overall though, he likes to listen and talks infrequently under his shield - generally, when the conversation is about him, he's cheerful with responses but doesn't give very much to continue the conversation with. There are, of course, exceptions, but in general Jamie listens and speaks little. Whenever he talks, he tends to either follow the general consensus or refuse, depending on his moral compass, andkeep his own opinions to himself. He does actually care about the people he associates with so long as they don't actively treat him like crap - and as such he'll try to not be a burden and stay in their good books. If you couldn't tell, he's very much clingy - though his clinginess isn't immediately obvious. He isn't the sort of clingy to wait for friends before doing things, but rather likes to hang out with people he feels like aren't directly aiming to hurt him. As such, he sort of puts up with a lot. Equally, he generally takes out his own anger on himself - not on the people that are hurting him - and thus never informs people there's a problem unless they press it out of him.
On the same note, Jamie does in fact have emotions and grow angry, sad, happy, and etcetera at thins - it's just that he doesn't ever display them. Most of his outer facade is him actually keeping his own emotions from being seen - thus why he refrains from giving his opinions, as well. In simple terms, he just simply won't show what he's actually feeling if he feels like it's a nuisance or unnecessary - he only cries alone, etc. He won't bother anyone online with Bad, Strong Feels either, and will let them run their course: anger, sadness, etcetera. Much of the anger he lets out is toward himself, at the moment, but if anyone rights his Issues he might actually pull it on others.
Generally, pressing any information out of him gets a lot of disclaimers 'it's my opinion' and a few apologies. (Generally, both symptoms show when people seem to disapprove of his opinion.) He does, however, actually form opinions: he just isn't dead loyal to them. When talking about facts, Jamie is actually fairly casual - facts are facts, to him - although he's not going to provide unless asked. Being bullied about anything they could find kind of dissuaded him from being a fact-provided without being prompted. In the same note, he won't start a conversation unless it's necessary - talking to or being a cashier, or otherwise needing to talk to someone about work. If someone asks him to try, he will - he just doesn't have an easy time of it. He would like to be able to, and if someone garners enough trust, he might actively approach them and start a conversation. He's just not very confident.
Online, Jamie actually feels much more confident. Probably as a side effect of not being immediately judged for his genetics, he can actually comfortably talk with people and actually use some of the wit he has. (However, he's chosen an allusion to his status just simply because he thinks it's a part of him. He also... sort of wanted to warning label himself.) Certainly, he still dislikes himself and still will apologize if he feels like he needs to, but he won't actively start apologizing for an opinion or aything - the looks of disapproval that normally trigger that reflex are things he can't see online. As such, he's got more then one friend online - however, he's also not sure exactly if the person he is online is like him - as well as speculating on what his friends would think if they saw him offline.
As such, Jamie has Problems. He doesn't like the idea of meeting online friends offline, and would need to be heavily pressured to even concede to the idea. However, with the issues of Zenderael, it sort of seems inevitable that he has to exuent from his apartment block at some point.
(He's also entirely unsure how to feel about his character, who he plays as a sort of version of himself in a few ways - some he doesn't even realize. He's not sure how he'll respond to becoming self-aware, and it sort of confuses Jamie. How... should he feel...? The first thing he's most likely to do is immediately ask someone else to be sure his character's alright -- he doesn't trust himself.)
Going to append here, because it was suggested: Just because Jamie's something of a recluse does not mean that he has no friends at all. However, most if not all of his friends are online, and really any other friends would need to: work at the store he works, come in often enough that they've seen him when he has to work the front desk, or otherise talk to him on the street or in the cafe he takes his lunch breaks at. Any friends he's met so far this way won't be under his skin, yet, although I'd be okay with one or two knowing him online. (I am thinking maybe ask players to help me out, here...?) He actually looks strange in comparison to everyone else during the summer - quite a few people wear no shirt and he's in hoodies and covering clothing. As such, it's not a far stretch to have people talk to him simply because he's interesting.
If you somehow make Jamie angry - even furious - with you, he can bite back. Typically, to get him angry enough to lash out at you, you have to make him weather enough of an emotional assault he can no longer deal with you, period. Typically, when that happens, Jamie cracks. He's someone for both hot and cold anger, depending on the situation: he responds with the same way it was presented to him. He speaks at the same volume as the other person, and if he needs to, raises his voice high enough to overpower them. Typically, after his outbursts, he will actually break out in tears and flee, excepting certain cases. Jamie's not used to lashing out, and it really shows - he looks as shocked with himself about it after the fact as the other might be. Typically, if he lashes out at someone like that, it's extremely hard to get back in his good books - in some cases he'll apologize the second he gets a chance, and in some... he'll actually be willing to go with his own opinion. Still, most apologies won't be "I was wrong", but rather "I was too harsh". He won't deny what he said to the other person, and forcing him to is absolutely impossible. Certain bits and pieces, he may claim he overreacted to - but he won't say he's wrong. And most of the time? His identification of people attacking him is spot on. He might not get people as well as he'd like, but he knows a bully's mindset. Bully him for long enough and he will defend himself. And this boy, for all his frailty, can hurt. Most of his lines of response are psychological attacks or along the lines of "do you think I can't feel". The only way to keep him from blowing his lid in anger is just to avoid bullying him - this was a trait that he only built up after leaving Arizona and realizing just how unfairly he was treated. Given, some of what was said was true. But he recognizes and understands that bullies took what they could get - not everything they teased him for was bad.
It was just easy to humiliate him over.
In any case, Jamie doesn't have any form of long-term seething anger - all of his anger comes in short bursts that aim to stab straight at you. He can't sustain a hateful relationship, and all of the anger that might have gone towards it tends to get directed back at himself. Any attempts to start a hateful relationship will begin with him being a total doormat and end with him exploding, period. If you want to get back in his good books, don't try and crawl back to him - while he will pity you, he probably won't be letting you back in. He refuses to let people who hurt him back in unless they make an effort to change. In other words, while he won't remain angry, he isn't stupid enough to just let someone who drove him to explode back into his life - no matter how apologetic he feels. It takes a lot of pressure on him to start, and he's very reluctant.
It's also woth noting that, while Jamie does want to change all of the behavior he dislikes, he tries to take it on as on mass entity - he isn't quite sure how to overcome it, and as such tends to fall flat on his butt. Of course, when this happens, he feels like he didn't try hard enough and tries again.
Flaws:
- Self worth, perfectionism, and self awareness issues! Jamie excessively and actively beats himself up over things. He sometimes goes so far as to blame himself for things he can't control that are related to him - how other people treat others for associating with him, for example - and recluses if he feels he's being a burden. He's also dead set on being perfect in things he does, and falling flat means that he beats himself up over it! This even extends to his personality (and thus all of his bad traits). Understandably, he berates himself often.
- Albinism! Technically, this shouldn't count. But it's one of his major things he worries about, and one of the major things that makes him feel different. Some convincing that this isn't as bad as he feels it is is a good step in the long run.
- Inability to express himself! Jamie isn't sure how to say what he feels - many of his opinions fall under his own judgement and are swept from the table. In other words, he's very hard to get to talk about his own opinions - he constantly judges them - and even when he has an opinion he likes he has trouble voicing it. He's consistently quiet in debates because of this fact.
- Lonely! Jamie, if you couldn't tell, very much wants a good friend. He very much wants to be liked. At the same time, his self-worth issues make him feel like he's a nuisance or a burden to others. If other people actively try and talk to him, he'll be all the happier for it.
Quirks: Jamie has a habit of apologizing whenever people try and get him to speak his mind and then summarily disapprove of his opinion (or he thinks they do), and otherwise is very quiet - he isn't outright nervous in speech, but he can enter the 'awkward sorry' dip faster then anyone. On a deeper level, he's very bodily expressive instead of verbally - his body expresses more then he ever could with words. Of course, it's not a window directly into his soul - he's somewhat reserved about his emotions under his shields, even with body expression. But someone who's observant could probably notice his suppressed reactions. His voice also has quite a bit of expression - it says a lot of what he can't say. 'I would really rather not do this', 'I love this thing', etcetera. He's actually less hard to read in this sense then most people - because whenever he gets excited or nervous it tends to slip into his voice.
When Jamie's nervous he fiddles - groping the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling the hood down over his face completely. His means of fidgeting vary, but most if not always they involve his clothing. He's got fairly good self-control in this regard, but he won't notice most of the time unless someone explicitly points it out - beyond that, it's a comfortable reflex. Typically, the clothing he fiddles with is either his hoodie or his beanie. (Most of the time, when he fiddles with things on his head, it's to pull them down farther. His beanie and hoodie's hood are typically well stretched because of this.)
Three Complimentary Words: Loyal, self-giving, smart,sort of a cutie woobie.
Three True-But-Hard-To-Hear Words: Clingy, obsessive, weak. A good punch to the gut would be from pretty much any shot at him from a close friend, too. Bonus points if they're the words mentioned: he recognizes all three and hates himself for all three.
Name: Noka
Pronoun: He!
E-Mail: noka.roleplay@gmail.com
Other Contact:
PLURK:
AIM: supnamesnoka
Character Basics
Name: Jamie Howard
City: Fall City
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Biological Sex: Male
Birthdate: November 26, 2023
Birthplace: Tempe, Arizona
PB: Mike Bailey (albino pbs are hard ok)
Appearance
Natural Hair/Eye Color: White/Red
Height: 5'6"
Body Type: Lean, skinny, dude. Doesn't eat often and is pretty emaciated because of it. Hasn't really exercised a day in his life.
Noticeable Scars/Tattoos/Piercings and Location:
Piercings: Silver earring in his right earlobe. His left ear is not pierced.
Scars: When nude, he has what appears to be deep, slightly disfiguring knife wound scars on his chest. Typically, his shirt won't come off because of this - not because he's self conscious about his body, but rather because he's well aware it's vaguely disturbing. He'd rather not freak people out.
Clothing Style: Very covering clothing, though he doesn't take it to the extremes his character does. Think beanies + hoodies + baggy jeans. Whenever at home, the outer layers come off - typically, only his hoodie. He also wears glasses.
Background
Summary:
Jamie was born to his family in Arizona with little fanfare on November 26th, 2023. His status as albino was surprising - it actally took a bit of genetic reeducation from the doctor for them to realize exactly why their son looked like a labrat - but they did what they could to facilitate him. In his early years, they gave him love, and he gave love back - however, quietly, his father and mother were disappointed. Jamie, as a child, couldn't do the sports his father loved. He was supposed to perpetually remain covered with clothing, and wearing a ton of extra crap wouldn't have worked well in the practical desert of Arizona. Worse yet was the fact that Jamie was heavily impacted by his albinism - due to a form of astigmatism and blood-vessel bloating in his eyes, he was almost blind without his glasses, working somewhere between 20/200 and 20/400 vision without them. (The reason I bring this up here is the simple fact that he wears glasses that effectively make him able to see. Without them, everything to him is a blur - effectively, if you take away his glasses? He becomes Velma.) This wasn't so much of a problem as a nuisance to his family, at first - it cost quite a lot to get the corrective lenses he needed, and he effectively crushes his father's hopes for a sporty sort of child. They do, however, perservere! They take what they can get - Jamie - and do what they can in his life. And that works! Right up until kindergarten.
In Arizona, a kid who has to be constantly covered - even in the hot summer months - just sort of seemed to invite people to pick on him. In comparison to t-shirts and shorts, he looked strange - he wore clothing that covered him completely, after all. As such, he was an easy target, even failing to consider his albinism, and by the time it was found out he ended up teased about it, as well. Of course, he reported all of this to his parents - but there wasn't anything to be done. Bullies, even when told to stop and punished when they didn't, even so had new fodder: tattletale. It was easy to wreck Jamie's self-esteem, and he had no way of defending himself. In fact, while he still disliked being reminded, he internalized that abuse - in simple terms, he began seeing himself in that negatively critical light the bullies did.
Even while this was happening, he was getting pushed from home, as well. His parents, unsatisfied with what they'd got, began to try and get him to be academic. With poor eyesight and a dreary school life, it wasn't really any wonder Jamie didn't pull the best grades. He excelled in places he wasn't forced to form a group - engineering courses, computer science courses, and even in some cases math. His biggest specialty, ironically, was English: Being able to absorb himself in the telling of a story instead of his life was something he grew to love. He got teased for this, of course, as well, and quickly internalized reading at home instead of in the open. He understood, at the end of the day, that bullies would take whatever they could get: however, he also recognized that a lot of what they were saying was true. However, his parents' academic push and constant bothering to be better nagged at him: as such, they only helped develop his negative view of himself.
In other words, Jamie's perspective of himself was ruined by everyone he knew during that period. He never grew close to his teachers, and grew attached to books and the internet instead of a social life and school. However, this fostered quite a bit of imagination in him - being able to think and imagine through his context - books and a simple source of stories and ideas - although he never quite knew how to express it, until he found the wonderful world of MMOs. Through them and his experiences in them was how he learned about Fall City, and a quick look at it confirmed it was somewhere he'd like to be. People were 'weird in their own way' there - unlike Arizona - and the cold months sounded like a dream come true. That was why, the second he got the cash and the chance, he left without telling his parents. What only helped his decision was an assault by high-school bullies months prior - the source of the knife scars he still holds today - pushing him to leave. It was the first time he'd been bodily attacked, and he was not only scared by it but somewhat shellshocked by the fact they were so willing to do it. He wanted nothing to do with his parents or his bullies, and only his sibling really knew where he'd gone in the first place - he'd sworn them to secrecy, and so far he hasn't ended up with any parents (or bullies, who probably didn't care enough to follow him anyway) knock-knock-knocking at his door. He's fairly sure that he's safe.
Jamie's experiences in Fall City have been nice, if not a little maddeningly open. He's used to being closed off, quiet, and he's still something of an outcast - he can't strip at all in the summer months, and other people being fine enough to take their shirts off? He's not sure how to respond. He currently lives in a small apartment that he keeps actually sparkling clean and organized (obsessively), works at a small electronics/repair shop as the repairman, and casually visits a cafe with closed booths nearby for his lunch break. While he tries, he doesn't know very many people, and really anyone who interacts with him isn't so much his choice as theirs. He's never pushed his friendship on someone, or even initiated a conversation with someone he didn't know in the interest of just talking. Whenever he's addressed someone, it's been because he's playing cashier, he's buying something from a cashier, or he needs to talk about repairs. As such, he has very few friends, and he's very used to being alone. In any case, Jamie's life has really been a plethora of issues, for him. Anyone want to help him get over it?
Albinism Effects:
Don't count this in his background summary, if you would, but. This paragraph's included because Jamie's medical issues would probably bloat his Summary with unnecessary facts, otherwise, right in the middle. First of all, Jamie's type of albinism means he has no pigment, engorged blood vessels in his eyes, and a variation of astigmatism because of this fact. This means he's white-haired, extremely pale, and has red eyes. The biggest problem is his lack of pigment: he literally cannot be in the sun for long, because he has no UV protection. He wears covering clothes, gloves, and hoodies to cover his body, and applies strong sunscreen when he goes out without a verifiable way of keeping his body shaded. Given, the period it takes for him to become overexposed is a few hours (probably the span of time it takes for a person with normal pigment to tan), and as such he isn't altogether as worried about his face as he should. Still, his skin is sensitive to sunlight, and it's not uncommon to see him walking with his head down or his hood pulled far enough that he won't have much if any light hit him. On the note of astigmatism and engorged blood vessels, Jamie survives with perscription glasses. Seeing as his visual acuity is 20/200 to 20/400, his glasses are an extremely strong perscription - he cannot see without them. With his glasses, he does actually have 20/20 vision, however. (In other words, as his bullies have learned: Need to cripple a poor albino? Steal his glasses.) Some side-effects are that he's never been strong at athletics, etcetera. If it requires being out in the sun or seeing properly, he's not very good at it.
Tell me two important memories.
Jamie's first day at school was the worst day of his life. The young 5 year old came home bawling, tears running down his bitty cheeks - his mother and father listened to his story of how people made fun of what he was wearing, with how it was so hot, and when they saw his face - stark white hair, red eyes, they made even more fun - demonizing his appearance all the while. Before the end of the day, he was without anyone who he could really interact with. His parents tried to solve it, but the damage was done: Jamie couldn't help but feel the division between him and his classmates. Even after they were (forced to) apologize, it wasn't as though they felt guilty. And so Jamie was subjected to the sort of torment children think up - stealing things, teasing, bothering. Bullying.
In the end, Jamie had never quite decided if he hated school, American school, or just people. That feeling of not being wanted, of even being resented and disliked for existing... it was hard to shake.
Even if he wasn't sure what he decided to hate?
At the end, Jamie just wanted out.
----------------------
Jamie wasn't quite sure what made him leave, in the end. Standing in the airport, meager belongings all with him, ticket at the ready. The glowing reviews of the city on the internet, the claim that 'everyone there was their own kind of weird'. He'd never been quite as sure he wanted to see it as now - he, after all, was weird. Dressed in a hoodie, jeans, and a scarf around his face and cheeks before it even really got cold? He confirmed who he was - got a patdown due to 'suspicious wear' - and was quickly on his way out of the state that had hurt him.
What had prompted it? He couldn't be sure. His parents' trying to force him had finally hit the brink of his patience? His bullies assaulting him and causing those deep wounds on his chest - a miracle he hadn't died, apparently, although he'd been sick for almost a month due to his stunted immune system - though his assailants weren't able to be properly found guilty?
He wasn't sure it was any of those things. Jamie just wanted to be free of their voices. Insulting him, belittling him, downright causing him pain - he wanted out.
So he left, with little fanfare and without informing his family, for Fall City.
Family members:
DAD:
Name: Thomas Howard
Gender: Male
Age: 47
Summary: He loved his son, but really he pushed him to succeed a bit too hard. A big lover of sports, hated that Jamie could never actually participate. Didn't try and stop him moving, but caught wind of it. Tried to get Jamie to try sports with him, but Jamie's stunted eyesight and inability to be in the sun for long ended up being too much of a hassle to ever overcome.
MOM:
Name: Angie Howard
Gender: Female
Age: 43
Summary: Loved her son a lot, but was rather controlling and really attempted to drive his life for him. Threw a fit when he moved, but ultimately didn't really succeed in dragging him back to Arizona - he never gave her a solid address. Big on cooking, and taught Jamie almost all he knows about that and other housework-type tasks.
SIBLING OF THE MYSTERIOUS VARIETY:
He does have a sibling, and if they've followed him to Fall City, he's entirely unaware of it. If you'd like to play them, contact me - I don't think they'd be albino like Jamie, but whatever you want is fine here. Jamie's probably the older brother in the relationship. Bonus points if you give them a personality Jamie has trouble handling. (I'm assuming the sibling is still back in Arizona, just because Jamie is. The sibling's included because a. his parents might have given chase otherwise, and b. he might need a person willing to try and wriggle into his life and drag him from his shell.)
Pets:
N/A
Character Details
Favorite Food?
Jamie really enjoys asian dishes - his favorite is typically fried rice saturated with soy sauce. He enjoys really sharp, kicking tastes - and so he really dislikes subdued tastes, like certain breads, salads, and soups, without proper sauces or dressings. His absolute least favorite food is pizza - even with pepperoni or some other taste that gives it the kick he likes, it just tastes bland to him.
Favorite Color?
Jamie favors the monochromatic spectrum with a passion, although sometimes he breaks his monochromatic colorscheme with a preference for the warm spectrum. In other words? He likes everything that doesn't have color, and while he can like warm colors - red, orange, yellow - he somewhat dislikes other colors. His least favorite is green.
Favorite Season?
He really prefers winter to all the other seasons. His hoodie he wears even during the summer months won't make him overheat: instead, it keeps him warm. He likes the cold, too, although with his vitality he's more likely to catch a cold in it then anything. (This, of course, can also be used to get a scarf and wrap it around his face without looking silly.)
Favorite Animal?
Jamie couldn't name his favorite animal if he tried. It's not that he loves them all, but he just has very little experience with any animals, period - if he were to have to pick, he'd most likely pick an albino lizard, which is basically his spirit animal anyway. He could most easily associate with a lizard, and just finds it most easy to like things like him. (Thus, albino.) He'd probably like normal lizards, too, of course. It's just he'd like albino ones the most? His least favorite are dogs, both because he doesn't get them and just doesn't like how sloppy they seem.
Do they like television?
There's a heavy preference towards the computer, if anything: most of Jamie's forms of learning or watching shows are done through the computer. If anything, he's most interested in practical knowledge shows - cooking shows, survival shows. He has an old childhood love of certain cartoons, but it's very hard to find any of the specific ones he nostalgically favors. He extremely dislikes this generation's form of entertainment shows. Extremely. While he's not about to rant, it's very easy to lose points with him by mentioning them favorably. (Simple terms: no, but if he had to, he'd watch nostalgic cartoons or shows where you learn. If he were forced to watch this generation's Disney Channel expy, he'd die.)
What's their favorite style of music?
Jamie likes music with form, order, and structure - as such, he'll pretty much enjoy anything with a good composer. He loves classical the most, as could probably be guessed, and favors things that use the same sort of style classical does - broadway, for example. He likes the major musical taste in jazz electronic, and can respect it and does in fact listen to some artists of it. His most hated style is rap, if only because of how it deviates from order and structure. After all, to him, the only real rule of rhyme is 'rhyme and make it sound good'. In reality, he mostly disapproves of the content of raps. Were he shown a good rapper (which is something he really hasn't heard), he'd probably at least give rap a chance.
Have they considered being the gender/sexuality they're not?
In all honesty, Jamie's biggest thing is that he doesn't really understand why it matters. He feels like he's a dude, and so he hasn't really even considered he might be a lady - beyond that, he understands the prejudice and given that he's already strange he's not about to try and be stranger. In terms of sexuality, however, Jamie is a bit too flexible to be 'sexuality they're not' - he's very much a 'like whomever I like' sort of guy, and so he's willing to romance whomever if he's attracted to them. That sort of feeling, for him, is few and far between, however. As bonus points, it really takes a bit to work yourself into his heart; he refuses to let himself like people until he trusts them.
Would you say they're "picky"?
Sort of kind of? He's generally somewhat picky, but if it'll get in the way or otherwise be a hassle to others - something he'd like to avoid being - he'll generally just take what he can get. He's very picky about certain foods, less so about forms of entertainment. Even less so about who he hangs out with - although there's clauses to that, as there is in most social interaction with him. In other words - he's a lot more loose about people then things.
Do they alphabetize/color-coordinate their things? If so, which things?
50 SHADES OF GREY
No, I am not bullshitting you. He uses shades of grey to mark things' importance, and the shape of the mark to tell what it is. This means a lot of his stuff is marked in varying shades of grey and black - white is, of course, done with white-out. The shapes vary, but typically they're the written language of Zenderael - letters, words, or otherwise. Most of this is done directly on the item in permanent marker, but if he borrowed it they'll probably get it back with a sticky note that has the word for 'borrowed', completely black.
White is least important, black is most important.
In terms of which things, mostly books and binders and other things over Zenderael, engineering, and other interests - things he's good at. Generally, all of his book/binder things are organized this way: he'll sometimes wrap paper tags around things too small to see a marking on otherwise. (Rings, his matching earring. Etc.)
(He mostly started doing this as a history joke. It turned into a legitimate organizational style. He's not sure how this happened.)
Internet Presence: Jamie exists as 'Red Eyed Mask' online, which is a distinct allusion to his albinism. He's used to people assuming he's a teenage boy because of his name preference - given that red eyes are a traditional 'teenage' thing. However: but he's yet to change away from it. He's very much attached. He's able to be found on most Zenderael sites, and owns a website (worldplusplayers.net) himself that's based around Zenderael. It's not very popular, but he tends to invite friends to it to discuss things on the forums there. It has several other MMOs, not counting Zenderael, included in its listing, but nowadays it stands to reason only Zenderael is relevant. The forums there do include an RP forum.
As a general presence, if you exist on a Zenderael or MMO site you've probably at least seen a single post by him. He's dedicated, at least.
Programs/Services and Screennames:
AIM: Red Eyed Mask
EMAIL: redeyedmask@worldplusplayers.net
Play Style:
In spite of Jamie's name, he owns neither Berserkers nor Assassins - red eyes and masks, however, do come into play with his character. Jamie plays a combat-proficient Alchemist with a habit of supporting people who party with him. He isn't heavily oriented one way or another - however, he's something of a glass cannon. Most of his abilities are towards support and combat, and most of the time he has just enough HP to survive one attack, move back, and heal before attacking again. His alchemist uses long range weapons - guns, if I'm right that the setting has them. He has an alt or two, but Alchemist would have to be his main.
To RP or not to RP?:
Yes. Yes yes yes yes. Given, he roleplays as a facet of himself. But yes.
Personality
General Overview: Jamie isn't entirely comfortable with who he is, and it's not very hard to tell. His family wasn't sure how to react to an albino kid - it was sheer poor luck that he ended up the way he did. Trying to contend with his parents' expectations was extremely hard for him - he was incredibly sensitive to light and got sick easily. Given, this isn't a background summary, but the issue was that Jamie never really got someone who wholly believed in him. His parents expected things out of him he couldn't achieve, and he felt guilty for letting them down. Given, people picking on him for being visually different - children will be children - was something he experienced a lot in America. Jamie never really felt secure in his own skin there, and he made the jump out the second he could and never looked back. His childhood generated a lot of problems for Jamie - most importantly, Jamie suffers from self-worth, self-esteem, and self-awareness issues. At his core, Jamie is a good person - imaginative, smart, and altogether someone with a strong moral compass. However, he sometimes can't tell right from wrong in social scenarios - a lack of being able to interact with people in a casual setting without expectations or teasing has really stunted his ability to communicate what he wants.
First of all, let's look at Jamie's complexes. Jamie has four major problems: self-worth, an inability to express himself, self-awareness, and his perfectionism. His childhood killed his self-worth and he's never quite recovered: in fact, it's his self-awareness that means he can't build himself back up. In his head, he berates himself for his failures and can't handle his own bad qualities. He strives to be a better person, and whenever he fails he only doubles back and beats himself up over it - it's what he's used to and what he's been trained to do by the people he talked to in his formative years. He's very much a perfectionist because of this - it's hard for him to fail or not succeed, because when he does he only feels like more of a failure for it. As such, he never did competitions - he never found competing with other people fun - and found himself favoring the internet, where he could just dismiss words as words. (Given, he still beats himself up whenever he fucks up on the internet: it's just that he feels the need to beat himself up less because he can disassociate the words he sees from human beings.) This doesn't mean that he's a stuttering, insecure guy: he has multiple walls up to shield this part of himself from other people trying to hurt him. The damage is still done, of course - he does it all on his own - but it's very hard to see this part of him unless you can summarily break down his walls. The only outward evidence is that he apologizes extremely quickly if someone even implies his actions hurt them, and in reality he's perfectly cool with smacking himself in the head when he's apologizing. It's hard enough to hurt, too. His inability to express himself, which is worth a mention, acts as one of his walls to other people - he second-guesses himself a lot and has a hard time understanding what other people want.
What Jamie wants the absolute most is a ~100% understanding~ friend in real life, but he's quite a bit of a shut in - he's yet to meet anyone from the game OOG, and he's scared to try. His most major complex is that he is completely without worth - as such, he shouldn't have friends, and the idea is one he's accepted with reluctance. If anyone tries to prove him wrong and be his friend and actually manages to get through his walls and under his skin, he'll most likely end up confused. His major question would really be 'Why do you care', because he isn't sure why anyone would or should. He's just a dude. He's not even remotely interesting - he's just a dude with no pigment who gets no benefits out of it. He can't be out in the sun, do sports, enjoy himself without lathering himself with enough sunscreen to theoretically block all of the UV rays from the sun for several normal people. Given, he's not sporty to begin with. But... he's just very much someone who understands how little of a person he is, and how useless he can be.
If you're kind to him and manage to push past the confusion, Jamie's real personality - one that shines through the shield he puts up now and again - is that he's book-smart, maybe a bit witty, extremely loyal, pretty opinionated, and incredibly self-destructive. He values his friends as an absolute - given that he holds himself at the bottom rung, he holds them as better than him. This is part of his self-awareness and self-worth complex, but what it really means is that he's extremely someone who would let himself get hurt for people he trusts. He holds his life under the lives of others to such a degree that he'd be willing to save any one person he likes - however, this is only extended towards friends. He would most likely blame himself if someone was killed in front of him and he could do something, regardless of friendship, but his major malfunction is that he is legitimately afraid people he helps would attack him or hate him in the end. Given, he probably won't be able to help people in most situations - he's a lean, reclusive albino who doesn't often just walk around outside. His ability to help is really limited.
Jamie also has problems understanding other people - if it really wasn't obvious - and is not a very good judge of character. Even when people prove themselves to be nonjudgemental, he's still reserved about his appearance. And whenever people prove themselves to be judgemental, Jamie won't actively avoid them unless someone else suggests he does - he sort of accepts judgement as a constant in his life. On the flipside, he's extremely imaginative - he's very good at thinking outside the box and thinking up scenarios. ... Something else I'd like to note is that most of Jamie's flaws are things he's aware of and dislikes to an extreme. However, it's not something easy people can easily see: as mentioned earlier, he throws up multiple walls to try and protect himself from relationships - in general, all of his internet friends are really the only exception. He can't easily throw up walls in comparison to OOG - it's more challenging for him to deflect things in a world of all text in comparison to a world where he can use body language and expression, too.
In person, to people he hasn't met, he tends to hesitate and generally tends to follow along instead of speak his mind. He won't disobey his moral compass because of what people tell him to do, however, and in general he'll recluse if people try and get him to do or think something he disagrees with. If he's pressured into speaking about what exactly he feels isn't right, he's actually fairly likely to apologize beforehand: even if it's not so much pitiful as it is stern in the sense of "I really don't want to do this gtfo". Overall though, he likes to listen and talks infrequently under his shield - generally, when the conversation is about him, he's cheerful with responses but doesn't give very much to continue the conversation with. There are, of course, exceptions, but in general Jamie listens and speaks little. Whenever he talks, he tends to either follow the general consensus or refuse, depending on his moral compass, andkeep his own opinions to himself. He does actually care about the people he associates with so long as they don't actively treat him like crap - and as such he'll try to not be a burden and stay in their good books. If you couldn't tell, he's very much clingy - though his clinginess isn't immediately obvious. He isn't the sort of clingy to wait for friends before doing things, but rather likes to hang out with people he feels like aren't directly aiming to hurt him. As such, he sort of puts up with a lot. Equally, he generally takes out his own anger on himself - not on the people that are hurting him - and thus never informs people there's a problem unless they press it out of him.
On the same note, Jamie does in fact have emotions and grow angry, sad, happy, and etcetera at thins - it's just that he doesn't ever display them. Most of his outer facade is him actually keeping his own emotions from being seen - thus why he refrains from giving his opinions, as well. In simple terms, he just simply won't show what he's actually feeling if he feels like it's a nuisance or unnecessary - he only cries alone, etc. He won't bother anyone online with Bad, Strong Feels either, and will let them run their course: anger, sadness, etcetera. Much of the anger he lets out is toward himself, at the moment, but if anyone rights his Issues he might actually pull it on others.
Generally, pressing any information out of him gets a lot of disclaimers 'it's my opinion' and a few apologies. (Generally, both symptoms show when people seem to disapprove of his opinion.) He does, however, actually form opinions: he just isn't dead loyal to them. When talking about facts, Jamie is actually fairly casual - facts are facts, to him - although he's not going to provide unless asked. Being bullied about anything they could find kind of dissuaded him from being a fact-provided without being prompted. In the same note, he won't start a conversation unless it's necessary - talking to or being a cashier, or otherwise needing to talk to someone about work. If someone asks him to try, he will - he just doesn't have an easy time of it. He would like to be able to, and if someone garners enough trust, he might actively approach them and start a conversation. He's just not very confident.
Online, Jamie actually feels much more confident. Probably as a side effect of not being immediately judged for his genetics, he can actually comfortably talk with people and actually use some of the wit he has. (However, he's chosen an allusion to his status just simply because he thinks it's a part of him. He also... sort of wanted to warning label himself.) Certainly, he still dislikes himself and still will apologize if he feels like he needs to, but he won't actively start apologizing for an opinion or aything - the looks of disapproval that normally trigger that reflex are things he can't see online. As such, he's got more then one friend online - however, he's also not sure exactly if the person he is online is like him - as well as speculating on what his friends would think if they saw him offline.
As such, Jamie has Problems. He doesn't like the idea of meeting online friends offline, and would need to be heavily pressured to even concede to the idea. However, with the issues of Zenderael, it sort of seems inevitable that he has to exuent from his apartment block at some point.
(He's also entirely unsure how to feel about his character, who he plays as a sort of version of himself in a few ways - some he doesn't even realize. He's not sure how he'll respond to becoming self-aware, and it sort of confuses Jamie. How... should he feel...? The first thing he's most likely to do is immediately ask someone else to be sure his character's alright -- he doesn't trust himself.)
Going to append here, because it was suggested: Just because Jamie's something of a recluse does not mean that he has no friends at all. However, most if not all of his friends are online, and really any other friends would need to: work at the store he works, come in often enough that they've seen him when he has to work the front desk, or otherise talk to him on the street or in the cafe he takes his lunch breaks at. Any friends he's met so far this way won't be under his skin, yet, although I'd be okay with one or two knowing him online. (I am thinking maybe ask players to help me out, here...?) He actually looks strange in comparison to everyone else during the summer - quite a few people wear no shirt and he's in hoodies and covering clothing. As such, it's not a far stretch to have people talk to him simply because he's interesting.
If you somehow make Jamie angry - even furious - with you, he can bite back. Typically, to get him angry enough to lash out at you, you have to make him weather enough of an emotional assault he can no longer deal with you, period. Typically, when that happens, Jamie cracks. He's someone for both hot and cold anger, depending on the situation: he responds with the same way it was presented to him. He speaks at the same volume as the other person, and if he needs to, raises his voice high enough to overpower them. Typically, after his outbursts, he will actually break out in tears and flee, excepting certain cases. Jamie's not used to lashing out, and it really shows - he looks as shocked with himself about it after the fact as the other might be. Typically, if he lashes out at someone like that, it's extremely hard to get back in his good books - in some cases he'll apologize the second he gets a chance, and in some... he'll actually be willing to go with his own opinion. Still, most apologies won't be "I was wrong", but rather "I was too harsh". He won't deny what he said to the other person, and forcing him to is absolutely impossible. Certain bits and pieces, he may claim he overreacted to - but he won't say he's wrong. And most of the time? His identification of people attacking him is spot on. He might not get people as well as he'd like, but he knows a bully's mindset. Bully him for long enough and he will defend himself. And this boy, for all his frailty, can hurt. Most of his lines of response are psychological attacks or along the lines of "do you think I can't feel". The only way to keep him from blowing his lid in anger is just to avoid bullying him - this was a trait that he only built up after leaving Arizona and realizing just how unfairly he was treated. Given, some of what was said was true. But he recognizes and understands that bullies took what they could get - not everything they teased him for was bad.
It was just easy to humiliate him over.
In any case, Jamie doesn't have any form of long-term seething anger - all of his anger comes in short bursts that aim to stab straight at you. He can't sustain a hateful relationship, and all of the anger that might have gone towards it tends to get directed back at himself. Any attempts to start a hateful relationship will begin with him being a total doormat and end with him exploding, period. If you want to get back in his good books, don't try and crawl back to him - while he will pity you, he probably won't be letting you back in. He refuses to let people who hurt him back in unless they make an effort to change. In other words, while he won't remain angry, he isn't stupid enough to just let someone who drove him to explode back into his life - no matter how apologetic he feels. It takes a lot of pressure on him to start, and he's very reluctant.
It's also woth noting that, while Jamie does want to change all of the behavior he dislikes, he tries to take it on as on mass entity - he isn't quite sure how to overcome it, and as such tends to fall flat on his butt. Of course, when this happens, he feels like he didn't try hard enough and tries again.
Flaws:
- Self worth, perfectionism, and self awareness issues! Jamie excessively and actively beats himself up over things. He sometimes goes so far as to blame himself for things he can't control that are related to him - how other people treat others for associating with him, for example - and recluses if he feels he's being a burden. He's also dead set on being perfect in things he does, and falling flat means that he beats himself up over it! This even extends to his personality (and thus all of his bad traits). Understandably, he berates himself often.
- Albinism! Technically, this shouldn't count. But it's one of his major things he worries about, and one of the major things that makes him feel different. Some convincing that this isn't as bad as he feels it is is a good step in the long run.
- Inability to express himself! Jamie isn't sure how to say what he feels - many of his opinions fall under his own judgement and are swept from the table. In other words, he's very hard to get to talk about his own opinions - he constantly judges them - and even when he has an opinion he likes he has trouble voicing it. He's consistently quiet in debates because of this fact.
- Lonely! Jamie, if you couldn't tell, very much wants a good friend. He very much wants to be liked. At the same time, his self-worth issues make him feel like he's a nuisance or a burden to others. If other people actively try and talk to him, he'll be all the happier for it.
Quirks: Jamie has a habit of apologizing whenever people try and get him to speak his mind and then summarily disapprove of his opinion (or he thinks they do), and otherwise is very quiet - he isn't outright nervous in speech, but he can enter the 'awkward sorry' dip faster then anyone. On a deeper level, he's very bodily expressive instead of verbally - his body expresses more then he ever could with words. Of course, it's not a window directly into his soul - he's somewhat reserved about his emotions under his shields, even with body expression. But someone who's observant could probably notice his suppressed reactions. His voice also has quite a bit of expression - it says a lot of what he can't say. 'I would really rather not do this', 'I love this thing', etcetera. He's actually less hard to read in this sense then most people - because whenever he gets excited or nervous it tends to slip into his voice.
When Jamie's nervous he fiddles - groping the sleeves of his hoodie, pulling the hood down over his face completely. His means of fidgeting vary, but most if not always they involve his clothing. He's got fairly good self-control in this regard, but he won't notice most of the time unless someone explicitly points it out - beyond that, it's a comfortable reflex. Typically, the clothing he fiddles with is either his hoodie or his beanie. (Most of the time, when he fiddles with things on his head, it's to pull them down farther. His beanie and hoodie's hood are typically well stretched because of this.)
Three Complimentary Words: Loyal, self-giving, smart,
Three True-But-Hard-To-Hear Words: Clingy, obsessive, weak. A good punch to the gut would be from pretty much any shot at him from a close friend, too. Bonus points if they're the words mentioned: he recognizes all three and hates himself for all three.